Thanks for being a dedicated, top-drawer Lotioneer, and thanks for you’re beautiful feedback!
We may not only have eyes for you,
but we adore you and look forward to seeing you on board the HMS Lotioneer in October,
for some lotion-drenched CRIME!
1 - I Knew I Was in Love Again
She woke me up in the middle of the night,
Singing, “Doesn't really matter if you're black or if you're white",
There she was just a-walking in her sleep,
Singing, "Ooh-ah-diddy diddy-dum and diddy-dee”.
Please don't wake me, no don't shake me,
Leave me where I am, I am dreaming of Japan,
Hate me, hate me, I am far too popular,
Give me vegetables and soy.
I have just seen,
What we could have been,
Then I realised it was all a dream.
I knew was in love again,
When I saw your face,
Stray cats and flat ass,
Jump with me in fire!
Heaven and flat ass,
You and your big mouth,
Saying you're in love,
You don't love her,
You just have a hangover.
Go to the corner,
And think about what you’ve done,
Come back sober,
Time to get a combover.
So what do I gotta do,
To get it on with you?
Do I have to marry first?
Do you exist at all!?
What do I gotta say,
To have my way?
I could always tell the truth,
But I'd rather be a liar!
4 - I Don’t Only Have Eyes for You
I know you hate it when I call you that,
But I can’t help it baby, those are the facts,
You act just like a baby.
You’ve been acting like a maniac,
Can’t count the times you gave my heart an attack,
I miss you acting like a baby.
“Gimme some time to make it better again?
One last chance to make it right?
Gimme some time to make it better again?
One last chance…”.
Well I don’t only have eyes for you,
I’m too cool to play the fool,
I have seen enough to know this much,
I must stay on the move.
I don’t only have eyes for you,
I have seen enough to keep me up,
Howling at the moon…
Baby, put a pillow underneath my crazy head,
Put a hold on all the crazy things I said,
I’ll be sorry in the morning.
Can you just contain me, baby,
Put a starry roof above my eyes,
Promise me you will not say your last goodbyes,
One last chance…
I just wanna dance is what he said,
And as he walked on to the dance floor,
She dropped down dead,
So, when the music drives you crazy, babe,
And you just wanna dance,
Go ahead and break a leg,
It may be your last chance, yeah…
2 - Rejection
It’s Autumn for your love,
Whilst mine is evergreen,
The puzzle of your heart,
Was all too much for me.
It started with a smile,
A playful little spark,
That spark it lit a fire,
You shun now from its heat.
Ice cold rejection,
Rejection, just for fun,
I gave you my heart,
You sold rejection.
The aftermath of love,
Trying to be friends,
I sleep now in the fire,
Fated to pretend.
Your sacred wooden heart,
Has never skipped a beat,
Is it better to have loved and lost,
When one loves beauty and the beast?
Rejection, just for fun.
You gave rejection.
Left the house on a belt of ice,
Same old faces, same old dice,
Slipping, sliding, roll my hand,
The dice is gone, where’d it land?
Cast my gaze across the street,
There it is laying at your feet,
First came love, then came worry,
Then came nothing but ice...
Rejection, hit and run,
5 - Cats In Space On Synthesizers
I met her @ the internet,
She said she played the clarinet,
She hadn’t played it for a while,
Cos now she likes to synthesize.
She said that she was into cats,
The feline, not the musical,
And then I knew that I was sold.
Flying into outerspace with Cheshire smiles upon our faces,
Letting every moving soundwave move us into beautifulness.
She offered me a cigarette,
I told that I didn’t smoke,
And she said, «Hey man, you’re so woke».
Flying into outer space with Cheshire smiles upon our faces,
Cats in space on synthesizers,
There’s one last chance for the human race,
And it’s purring inside us.
And it’s purring inside us!
I met her at the internet,
I thought that she was full of shit,
Suddenly I realized,
And we began to synchronize,
I know she is the... prophet,
You say I am a cyber bum,
Well she says I’m the chosen one.
Cats in in space on synthesizers,
I know she is the… prophet.
3 - Made in Taiwan
Time after time I’ve been deceived by you,
You don’t want me to stay,
But you say, “Stick around!”,
Then you call the cops.
I can make it better now,
No you can’t,
I used to make you sing like ah-ah-ah-ah,
Don’t think I will ever be back again.
I’ve got seven dollars in my pants,
I hope I don’t blow it all on the aeroplane,
I’ll be a rich man in Iraq and Iran,
And in Vietnam, and I’ll be made in Taiwan,
Made in Taiwan.
Think I’m gonna go to Korea today,
It is better than it is in Europe,
The streets are paved with gold and it’s honeymoon,
I’m gone now, gone forever.
Don’t think I will ever be back again,
Made in Taiwan, woh-oh-oh, oh-oh,
Made in Taiwan, ah-ah-ah, ah-ah…
6 - Skinny White Pants
Three men went a-walkin’,
Down beside the lake,
Came across a body,
Half man, half snake,
It didn’t take long,
For one of them,
To recognize his face,
They’d found beelzebub,
Lyin by the lake.
But he didn’t have his pants on,
No the devil didn’t have his skinny white pants on,
So where the devil have his pants gone?
Well the devil only knows who’s got them on…
No the devil didn’t have his skinny white pants on!
Three men got to talkin,
One took his diamonds,
And one took his shades,
For the other one,
To join in on the fun,
They left beelzebub,
Naked by the lake.
High five the homeless guy,
Wasn’t really sure if he was dead or alive,
But I high-fived the homeless guy,
As he drifted out to sea,
High-five the refugee,
Thank god that it isn’t me,
High-five the single mom,
Should’ve kept them white pants on,
As she drifted out to sea,
High five my family tree,
This can’t be happening to me,
But I high five my family tree,
As they drift on out sea.
No the devil didn’t have his skinny white pants on
7 - Crocodile
I saw a crocodile,
I saw an alligator.
Alligator. Crocodile. What is the difference?
I saw an elephant,
An African or an Indian one,
I could not tell the difference,
I drew a picture of a crocodile and showed it to the class,
They said it looked just like an alligator and all started to laugh,
Oh god, what have I done?
I cannot for the life of me tell the difference.
Tell the difference,
Tell the difference!
I saw an alligator, baby!
8 - 7/11
I was going crazy.
Thinking about all the things I should have done,
I'm kinda lazy.
I haven't seen my bedroom floor for months,
It's kinda hazy.
All I remember was trying to get drunk,
Then I got hungry.
I went to the 7/11 to get some.
And I met my wife at the 7/11,
at the 7/11's where I met my wife,
I met my wife last Saturday night at a half-past five,
she was very nice,
And I asked her to buy me a Cola Light and we grabbed a bite,
And I threw up a bit, but it didn't matter,
she was very nice and we kissed...
We flew to Vegas.
Tied the knot and ball and chain,
And now she calls me "Baby".
All my crazy days are dead and gone,
And she feeds me gravy,
but homemade gravy ain't my kind of fun,
And she wants a baby,
but babies are hungry and cry and shit.
And so I left my wife at the 7/11,
at the 7/11's where I left my wife,
I left my wife last Saturday night at a half-past five,
it was such a relief,
And I asked her to spot me a piece of pie and she grabbed my hand,
And she squeezed it a bit,
but I managed to escape when she closed her eyes to kiss...
I met my wife at the 7/11,
And I asked her to buy me a Cola Light
and we grabbed a bite,
And I asked her to spot me a piece of pie
and she grabbed my hand,
10 - Aphrodite
Too hot, too cold,
Goldilocks will never grow old,
Too salt, too sweet,
Clinging on to an empty seat.
Your hands, my heart,
Next in line to be torn apart,
Venus in furs,
Rid me of this curse.
Too strong, too weak,
Gimme someone that’ll deviate me,
If I comply,
Don’t ask cos I don’t know why.
I’m lost in America,
I’m lost wherever I go,
I’m lost in America.
Carry me home, carry me home, oh…
You’re not here, you’re not there,
Can’t find you anywhere,
Time’s up, confess,
You were nothing but a magic trick,
Venus in furs, rid me of this curse.
Carry me home, carry me home,
Aphrodite! Aphrodite! Aphrodite!
Come find me!
9 - Crime Cruise
Cougar with a luger,
A corpse on the couch,
Hound on a footstool,
He didn’t see a thing.
Poker with a Pokémon,
On the Commodore's boots.
Portside's to the left,
And Starbucks to the right,
And somebody’s gonna die tonight, yeah!
Yeah, this is the mystery ship,
And it’s taking everybody down with it,
Yeah, there's no escaping it,
It's takin' everybody,
Down, down, down, down, dooooown!
Dagger in the cabin,
Dollars on the bill,
15 000 lovers,
And 15 000 pills.
Scubba-dubba-dubba-dubba-dubba… Dive In!,
A gunman’s on the loose,
But who’s who? Who? … Who??
Portside’s to the left,
And somebody’s gonna die tonight!
Yeah, this is a mystery ship,
It’s taking everybody,
Yeah, this is a sinking ship,
You got the right to remain silent,
The right to get wet,
The right to get violent,
The right to get dead, yeah.
The diving bells are ringing tonight,
Death walks these decks by candlelight,
I can hear the tip-tap of the skipper's peg leg,
Gotta sea-sick tummy, but my brain ain't dead!
I run for the galley, trip on the cat,
The Captain's gaining, tipetty-tap,
There's salt on the air and blood on the bill,
The captain needs to kill,
So I climb in a dingy and i paddle for land,
I row past Fiji, China, Japan,
The skipper’s on my tail and he’s closing fast,
Row to foggy London, home at last,
Lock up the doors and climb the stairs,
Look out the window, no one's there,
Run a warm bath and dive right in,
And there, through the bubbles, is the captain...
Yeah, this is a sinking ship.
You have the right to remain silent,
The right to be dead, yeah.